How Is My Book So Far?

Question by : How is my book so far?
Its the first chapter. All constrctive critism would be appriciated.
A black bird soared past my window, contrasting against the orange and purple sky. I think it was a crow, but it was too swift to be a crow. Its voice wasn’t much of a caw either, more of a masculine chirp. He bird sang me a song off in the distance as he flew away. For the brief glance I saw of it, I assumed it was a mighty bird, big and royal and broad, with wings gliding with the wind like a parasail.
I sighed. Boxes outlined my small room; I was all packed to leave Los Angeles tomorrow. The only thing that lay in my room was my mattress, a sheet, and my laptop. I was on the third story of our apartment building, the tallest of the floors. I stared out my window sternly, taking in one of my last looks of the city.
Bright lights and tall busy buildings ran through the city. Noisy cars zoomed their way through the streets. The street lights were just turning on, faintly lighting up the dim highways.
California was a truly beautiful place. Some people might call L.A ghetto, but their wrong. Sure, there is the Slater-slum part of the county, but for the most part it is suburban houses and apartments. I went to a wealthy school, belonging to a wealthy school district. There were no drug deals or loss of virginity at Spring View Middle School; it’s just a bunch of intelligent kids. Innocent, not ghetto, kids.
There sat my laptop in front of me, balancing on the thick, flat, windowsill. I was typing in my Microsoft locked journal, locked meaning secured with a password so no one could read the content. Today, I was expressing my hatred towards my ignorant father for making me move to Colorado.
My Diary Entry:
Dear Diary,
I cannot believe my dad right now. I hate the stupidity of his wanting to move to Colorado. What was wrong with California? Oh yea, nothing. Moving is for his own pleasure, his own needs. I don’t think he even thought of the effects it would have on my life. New home means new school, and new school means new friends. He KNOWS how hard it is for me to make friends, especially for a typical shy 13 year old like me. I just—I’m so confused. I have a perfect life here, and it’s SUMMER! Who would want to spend summer moving, and unpacking?! My goodness, is my life going downhill or what? Goodbye California.
Yours Truly,
Amelia Rose
I exited out of Word and shut my computer down. The sky faded from orange to navy, though it was far from dark outside. Streetlights and car lights and lights from building windows flooded the outdoors.
Slowly, I pulled the blinds closed and pulled open my sheet so I could slip into my mattress. I lay down and got comfy, well, as comfy as I could get on a lumpy and scratchy six-year-old mattress. A yawn took over me and suddenly sleepiness fell upon me. Stretching, I fell limp on my pillow, my eyes fluttering shut for the night.
Its not real. Its just, my creativity. So far this is all i got, and i want all the help i could get so.. keep answering people, i really REALLY really appriciate it.

Best answer:

Answer by odid_cb
There is some truly subliminal mind damage that you are trying to push on the community. I am not that smart and I still get it

If its real then get away and get help

if its fake then you are the sublime muse of Dan Brown and should continue on to booker prize glory

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!


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